It's Ok To Be A Butterfly

 When I was growing up I was always a little different. Not weird or strange, just not quite fitting in to any particular box. I thought, when I am older I will know who I truly am.

 My friends at school varied enormously. I was never in the cool, middle or geeky group, but seemed to flit seamlessly between all of them. Whilst more a creative than an academic, I also loved learning, but would be as happy reading Steinbeck as Shakespeare, or Hardy as Hesse. 

 I would find my place, I told myself... one day.

 

As I grew older I did things my way, not conforming to the expectations that others had of me. I wore what I wanted, when I wanted. I thought, when I reach forty I will know who I truly am. I will dress in a certain way, have friends who are a certain type.

 I loved all different genres of music, when most of my friends preferred one or two. I enjoyed classic, reggae, pop, rock, blues, jazz, opera, Indian sitar. I loved ballet, musical theatre, street theatre, rock concerts, piano concertos, French films. I would spend hours in art galleries, marvelling at works or Picasso, Klimt, Turner, then wander home through the streets of London transfixed by graffiti.

 The older I became, the further away from the mould I became. One day dressing English classic, the next like a hippie. I wore long flowing skirts, smart suits, jeans, leather skirts, scruffy. What was wrong with me? 

 

As other people matured and settled neatly into their niche, I just kept evolving, never really knowing who I was, or my place in the world. While longing to find my 'true' identity, I stopped wearing bikinis, cut my long blond hair short, and tried to stick to a particular style of dress. I was miserable, and I felt less like the real me than ever before.

Now in my sixties I know exactly who I am. I am a butterfly. Each day I am a new me. I dress how I feel in that moment. I feel more confident than at any time in my life, and love being me. I am not waiting for others to say it's ok any more. I eat pretty much what I want, drink red wine with my meal (I used to live in France!), and never beat myself up anymore... oh and I am back to wearing bikinis:)

 I am open minded and open hearted, happy to listen to other peoples points of views, at the same time as valuing my own. Being prepared to change preconceived thoughts and ideas, is how you grow and learn as a person, and I learn something new every day. I love time spent on my own, but also in a crowd of people, talking effortlessly about anything and everything. Being a butterfly gives you a little insight into a lot of things :)

I fly around all over the place, but take time to smell beautiful flowers. I wander aimlessly through meadows, paddle along beaches, and still delight in the hustle and bustle of busy towns. I visit churches, cathedrals and monasteries, without assigning to any formal religion. I am seeing life from so many angles, and I am truly grateful to have such diverse and interesting opportunities.

 As a writer, I am fortunate to be able to write about many subject matters, psychology, poetry, life stories, children's books, magazines. I also ghost write for a publishing house. I love the variety of genres... and the diversity of my readers.

 Whoever you are, you are unique, special, and have the right to be whoever you choose. I happen to think you are pretty awesome :). Lily x

This article was written by me and first published at Sixty and Me.